Let's Begin With a Major Question
Have you ever managed to lose weight, quit smoking, save money or start an exercise program, and after a period of weeks, or even months of success, you suddenly realize your newfound habit was beginning to mysteriously dissolve, until one day you realize all your hard work had completely unraveled and you're right back where you started?
How did it happen? You put so much effort into your new habit. You loved the results. Why was it unsustainable?
On the other hand, how would you feel if you suddenly discovered that you could determine your habits, and thus your life, with complete control and with very little effort? No backsliding, no feats of willpower required.
You can you know... if you follow the proper formula.
Why Our Attempts at Change Often Fail
New Year's resolutions are a classic example. We decide it's time for a change and so we determine to either get rid of an old habit or acquire a new one. The second day of January is usually a better time to start than the first since many of us are nursing a hangover from the previous night's festivities. When that second, glorious day arrives, we're charged up and ready to go.
We begin at full throttle by putting our new vows into immediate action. We enroll in an exercise class, or we zealously begin to watch our food intake. We're so committed to our new vows of health that we'll go to almost any length to avoid missing a single moment of that first week of exercise class. Our new diet promises we can shed five pounds each week and so we diligently count calories and make lunches and dinners that strictly adhere to our new fare.
With focus, determination and resolve we manage to hang on to our new way of living. We begin to feel fitter, we see the weight coming off and our clothes are becoming gloriously baggy. "Oh this is so worth it!" we tell ourselves. "By this summer I'm going to look fantastic!"
In spite of the outward bluster, deep down inside we know we've been here before. We sense that all is not going as well as we pretend. Each week the diet gets a little harder, we start to miss an exercise class here and there. Then one day we find we're right back where we started.
Is It True If We Do Something For 21 to 28 Days In a Row it Will Become a New Habit?
Without having prepared a proper mental foundation the answer is a resounding NO!
It doesn't matter if you manage to sustain your new behavior for six weeks, or even six months, without the proper techniques you will have likely built your new "habit" on a house of cards. The hastily built foundation has been poured with the faulty mortar of willpower, determination and personal resolve. This mixture will last for a while, but when the inevitable storms of life blow in - and they will - the habits and goals that were impulsively assembled will quickly dissolve leaving us scratching our heads in wonder and frustration.
Is It Possible to Establish a Permanent Habit in Just One Month?
It's not only possible but it can be a relatively easy process if you go about it in the right way.
To either eliminate a bad habit or acquire a good habit always begins with a change in thinking.
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
~ Buddha ~
By this reasoning then, it becomes paramount that you acquire a working knowledge of how the mind works, and more specifically, how YOUR mind works. There is no "one-right" solution for each of us, but there is a "right formula" for success, and it all begins with an understanding of the self.
In order to understand one's "self," you need to develop an acute awareness of your present habits and your triggers that determine your response. Without this basic awareness, lasting change is all but impossible. With this awareness however, you can begin to assume control of your thoughts and by extension, your habits and behaviors.
The Upside-Down World Of Behavioral Change
You would be hard-pressed to find a magazine or self-help article that doesn't contain the "three," "five" or "ten" secret steps to acquiring your heart's desire. We're all familiar with the plethora of "secrets" of shedding ten pounds in ten days, or the seven steps to starting an exercise program etc., but a more important question to ask is; "How can I maintain my new desire and lifestyle?"
In fact, without the answer to this question, the "tips," "secrets" and "easy steps" to success are nothing but a disappointing dead-end resulting in continued frustration and an increasingly fragile self-image.
How is Success Defined?
If someone manages to lose thirty pounds in thirty days is that person successful? If someone begins and maintains an exercise program for thirty days is that person successful?
Not yet!
By our definition, within the context of behavioral change, a "successful habit" is the assimilation of a new behavior into a sustainable lifestyle.
The person with a successful new habit will usually find his behavioral change to be acquired without a large amount of mental effort or thought.
In his book Creating Health, Deepak Chopra writes: If we want to create health, starting this moment, then we have to start channeling the unconscious mind through habit. In my experience, any approach to new habits should follow these guidelines: the habit should be acquired effortlessly over a period of time, it should be guided by positive thoughts, and it should be consciously repeated, but always in a good frame of mind, never forced in as the enemy of a bad habit. Cultivated in this way, new habits condition the whole mind-body system to create health and happiness automatically.
What Are the Major Obstacles to Acquiring a Permanent Habit?
Lack of True Desire • Lack of Preparation • Lack of Patience • A Failure to Understand Your Inner Thoughts.
Just because the calendar is signaling a new year does not mean that your deepest desires are in line and ready for change. Although there's nothing particularly amiss about making a resolution at the beginning of a new year, it's always a mistake to assume that a new calendar is motive enough to sustain a lasting habit.
Suppose someone asks if you've put on a little weight, and the very next day you dive into a liquid only starvation diet.
Or someone comments that you smoke too much, so you decide that you're going to quit smoking the very next morning.
Or you suddenly realize that you've been neglecting your retirement savings so you immediately cut off all spending and begin hoarding.
Each of the above reactive attempts are highly susceptible to failure because they lack preparation, patience and the necessary understanding of one's present inner workings and thought process.
How Can I Learn to Acquire and Maintain My New Habit?
To master a new habit begins with self-understanding. We need to shine a light on the perpetual struggle between our intellect and our emotional triggers.
A deep desire for change is followed by observation and awareness of your present thoughts and behaviors. Without awareness you wouldn't know what to change. If you plan to lose weight, it's vitally important to understand the cause of your weight gain. At first blush one can readily conclude that the cause is the result of ingesting more calories than one is burning off. That's a valid observation on a purely logical level, and the "purely logical" solution is a drastic diet or strict exercise program - the harsher the "remedy," the quicker we can enjoy the results! Sound familiar?
In reality, if you are to acquire a sustainable habit you need to dig deeper into the inner workings of your mind. What is the root-cause of your overeating, smoking or frivolous spending? Is it triggered by fear, anger, guilt, anxiety, or perhaps just boredom? Behind each of our habits and behaviors lies a deeper reason. By taking the time to discover the cause of your behavior, before jumping into action, will go a long, long way toward building an unshakable foundation toward permanent change.
Once you have systematically broken down the mental, and often-emotional causes of your present habits and behaviors, you're ready to apply your new discoveries. This combination of desire, resolve, and the understanding of your inner workings have you ready to take slow, gentle steps that can be easily assimilated into your permanent lifestyle change.
With understanding, resolve, and a systematic process you are well on your way to acquiring a permanent new habit - but there's still more work to do. The last hurdle to clear is to determine the keys of sustainability.
Good habits, once established, are just as hard to break as are bad habits. ~ Robert Puller ~
How Do I Maintain My New Habit - Permanently?
There is no singular process that applies to us all, but in one or more of the following answers lays a solution(s) for all.
1. Studies have shown that people who enjoy continued success in acquiring a desirable new habit - whether that is weight loss, regular exercise, taking financial responsibility, quitting smoking etc. - have understood the formula. By the time you have systematically broken down the cause of your past behaviors, and developed a sensible and sustainable working plan for its attainment, you're ready for action.
2. With awareness and knowledge of your past behaviors, you begin to develop a belief that you can determine your fate. Psychologists call this belief in yourself "self-efficacy," which means you have the faith and knowledge of your ability to produce a desired result. It's important to note that people may have a high sense of self-efficacy in some areas (career, communication, friendships etc.), but may have a low sense of self-efficacy in other areas such as controlling eating habits or finances for example.
3. With a sense of self-efficacy comes an assumption of a positive outcome. For the very first time you are charting the path and you are taking control. In the case of losing weight you are not at the mindless dictates of a one-size-fits-all diet, or some other craze or fad, but instead you are following a plan specifically tailored for you and by you. Designing a customized personal course and taking direct responsibility for your actions is the fuel that powers the engines of lasting change.
4. You will understand that your past failures to change were not wasted efforts. Recalling past behaviors and the situations that tripped you up are invaluable lessons when it comes to sustaining your new lifestyle.
5. You will learn to forgive yourself. A slip does not mean that all is lost. if you slip you will simply pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue. That is one of the core ingredients in the mortar-mix of a strong foundation and a permanent habit.
6. You will have learned to pace yourself. You understand that if the changes you attempt are not sustainable, they are dead-end traps leading to certain failure. With your new knowledge and understanding of self, you are making changes that you can assimilate effortlessly and permanently.
7. You are no longer controlled by random thoughts or outside forces. The power to determine your actions and behavior has been restored to its rightful owner - you! You no longer look at the termination of an old unwanted habit as something you're "giving up" but you're focused on what you're getting - power, control, self-esteem, self-determination and the freedom you so richly deserve.
If you're committed to change, you'll find your new path to be an empowering experience. No longer are you slave to unwelcomed whims and outside influences. True freedom comes from self-determination and self-control - becoming master of your destiny.
When you're ruled by emotions you're subject to constant enslavement, and never is a person less free than when he is enslaved by emotion. If you're not happy with your present situation you can acquire a permanent new habit of your choosing.
With the right procedure you'll find your new habit to be both surprisingly easy and infinitely liberating.
